How To Help Autistic People at Christmas

By Lydia Wilkins – Wed, 01 February 2023

The weather outside is… frankly, frightful if you live in the UK. It’s cold, wintery and just bitterly biting a lot of the time. It also means that Christmas time is finally on its way!

Christmas time comes with a lot of expectation and socialising, as well as unwritten social rules and time off here in the UK. Privately, as an Autistic individual, I virtually always find this time of year quite stressful - especially because I freelance as part of my job, too. There are a lot of things to contend with. It may be the most magical time of year - but we can at the very least be a bit more inclusive to those with hidden disabilities. Just because you cannot see something, does not mean it is not there; being told ‘I don’t seem Autistic’ often is not a compliment. It’s a micro-aggression.

With that in mind, here are 5 quick and easy things to do this festive period, in order to help Autistic individuals - like me!

Turn Down The Lights!

Autistic individuals so very often have sensory issues across all 8 senses that we all have. (Spoiler - we have 3 extra senses that you were not taught about in school. There is Proprioception, Interoception, and Vestibular.) However, there are 2 different levels of sensitivity on this - hypersensitivity (over sensitivity, meaning that any input can be painful), and hyposensitivity (under sensitive, so may look for extra input.) This is called sensory avoiding and sensory seeking respectively.

Sometimes lighting can be painful to Autistic individuals - and at a time when there is a lot of lights, for some of us it may actually be painful! We’re not saying turn off your lights - we are just asking for them to be turned down a little bit.

Image of fairy lights

…. And The Music.

Have you noticed recently how many people complain about the volume of music - say, if you went into a bar, a restaurant, a supermarket, or other organisation?

Access and accessibility benefits everyone. Sometimes music can be a huge access barrier for Autistic individuals, especially from the get go - and we should not have to place ourselves in overwhelming situations. If you cannot hear other people talking, or you have to shout, this becomes overwhelming pretty quickly - and could lead to a meltdown potentially being a likely scenario.

So, if you are in charge of music, such as at a party, supermarket, a bar or restaurant - please consider turning it down just a little bit. It benefits everyone - and it also works to protect the hearing of all patrons, too.

Set Clear Expectations From The Get-Go.

Culturally we just kind of expect everyone to fall in line and to go with the flow a lot of the time - even if individuals are coming from out of town to come and visit us. Social rules are so often assumed, like an ingrained code - and yet we just expect everyone to go along. Who can forget being shouted at in the pandemic for breaking guidelines, such as in a shop, when there was nothing clear in place? I had turned the wrong way, following arrows - but these were the wrong arrows? It was never fully explained to me what was wrong - and I subsequently have not gone back to that shop since. Unstructured time and changes in routines can be incredibly stressful for us - so please, be clear with expectations from the beginning.

We Need A Do-Over Of Food Culture In The UK, With All The Expectations That Go With It.

This year I released and published my debut book, The Autism Friendly Cookbook - and 30 of the 100 recipes are from other Autistic individuals. While writing, there were a lot of conversations being had about the topic of food culture, and the anxiety around this that is so often coupled with celebrations. If you have a sensory issue - i.e avoiding strong flavours - it can make things such as eating Turkey, or other meat, impossible. Yet we so often penalise difference; who was the ‘fussy’ eater as a child, for example? So often it is deemed appropriate that individuals can and do dictate the right way to eat - such as comments mocking someone for not finishing what is on their plate, their portion sizes, where they eat, and so much more. Having sensory issues can make celebratory meals overwhelming and quite stressful experiences at times; personally, it is one of the things that I struggle with most.

Simply put, we need a do-over of food culture and expectations in the UK. It will be far more disability inclusive, that way. If there is a meal - or even if you work in a serving capacity - just don’t comment on someone’s choices. Try accommodating sensory issues if feasible.

Image of decorated gingerbreads

Normalise Stimming!

Stimming is a way Autistic individuals provide themselves an element of self-regulation, such as when distressed or excited; it is completely natural. An example of this can be flapping hands or maybe repeating a particular kind of verbal sound. It’s not to be penalised or corrected - if you see this, don’t stare, and embrace it. We’ll love you for it.

If there is anything I would like for Christmas this year, it would be to feel more a part of proceedings, rather than often feeling a bit left out. Access and accessibility benefits everyone - such as when it comes to loud music in shops and other places. Christmas is a time of unity - and I would love to see more of this in 2023.

Lydia Wilkins is a freelance journalist and copywriter covering disability and social justice issues. Her work has appeared in publications such as The Independent, Readers Digest, The Metro, Refinery 29, Underpinned, Conscious Being Magazine, PosAbility and many others. Her debut book, The Autism Friendly Cookbook, will be out in 2022 via Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP).

Lydia, a white women with brown hair and glasses, wearing a red top.

Search for accessible places to go